


Adapt and Adjust

by Gimmeran21



Series: Sweetheart [2]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Brain Damage, Brain Injury, Disability, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Kintsugi, M/M, Physical Disability, Unconditional Love, mental disability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:53:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26893240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gimmeran21/pseuds/Gimmeran21
Summary: These events are mainly told from the point of view of Karen Miller, who was to represent Tony at the Disability Pensions Board hearing.
Relationships: Anthony DiNozzo & Karen Miller Jethro Gibbs & Karen Miller, Anthony DiNozzo/Jethro Gibbs
Series: Sweetheart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687855
Comments: 2
Kudos: 53





	1. Karen Meets Tony and Gibbs

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Give Me a Hug by rose_malmaison.
> 
> This had been written to try to get a friend to change her mind about Karen who she thinks is untrustworthy because she did not represent Tony at the DPB after all. 
> 
> I have changed the order of the parts of this series so that this is now part two and the rest of the series apart from part one has changed position.
> 
> I know that italics are normally used to denote flashbacks and I have used them before but I have decided for clarity not to use them in this story.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen visits Tony and Gibbs to assess Tony's situation as preparation for the Disability Pensions Board interview.

She’d got the phone call late at night. They were so disorganised at the head office of the Department of Protective Services that they never rang at civilised times or with the information that she needed. 

“We need you to act as a responsible adult at a panel hearing.”

“Could you tell me who I’ll be acting for and what the panel is?” 

“Sorry, no can do. All I have is the address. You’ll have to phone your usual contact for those details.”

Resisting the temptation to vent her anger on the child who’d phoned her - no - he wasn’t a child but just seemed it as he was twenty five to her forty. She reminded herself that forty was the new twenty. She’d tried her usual contacts but they weren’t in and as it was urgent she decided to visit the place as soon as possible. Because she had no phone number or email address she had tried to find out more information online but with no joy. This was really strange. It was as though the people who lived there didn’t exist. 

She turned up at the address prepared to have to leave a note if there was no reply. She’d rung the bell several times with no result, so, muttering to herself about the situation, she rummaged in her bag to get pen and paper when suddenly the door opened.

The man standing there flashed a brilliant smile at her and said, “Can I help you?” 

“Sorry, I was wool gathering.” 

The smile changed to a look of puzzlement. “I don’t understand.”

“I got distracted for a moment. I’m Karen Miller and I’m employed by the Department of Protective Services and have been asked to attend a hearing.”

She was deliberately vague as she didn’t know who in the household she was supposed to be representing and didn’t want to breach anyone’s confidentiality. The expression on the man’s mobile face changed again to one of appreciation. She knew she looked good. Only her husband couldn’t see it.

“OK. C-could I have your, your ID please. Thank you. I’m Tony. Come in.”

She looked up from her five foot nothing height to the very tall man in front of her. He was gorgeous! Well-built with startling green eyes set in handsome features, a lovely smile and a quiet, sexy voice with a growl in it. She noticed he was hanging onto the door frame for support. He obviously had problems with his balance or mobility. Then she noticed the walker. Perhaps he was her client? Although it was obvious that Tony had some physical problems that wasn’t normally a reason for someone to need her services.

She was used to representing vulnerable children whose parents or other caregivers were unable to do so and she had assumed that there would be a child involved. But she’d learned from bitter experience that people were prone to make assumptions and she didn’t want to become one of them. She knew that just because she was petite, blonde and easy on the eye, men in particular thought that she was an airhead and available, especially once they found out about her husband.

Then she noticed that behind Tony stood another man, nearly as tall and with startling blue eyes and silver grey hair and also very striking to look at.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?”

“Sure. This lady’s come to see us. This is Jethro, my husband.” 

Of course a man like him would be taken. Reminding herself firmly that she had her loving husband, Robert, at home, she followed them both through the hallway and into the living-room.

“Honey, need any help?”

“No, Jethro.”

“Take a seat. Coffee?”

“Yes please.”

“I’ll make it, Jethro.”

“Sure?”

“Don’t fuss.”

Karen could see Jethro resisting the temptation to roll his eyes. While Tony was making coffee she could hear him singing the coffee-making steps out loud to himself.

“Are you the responsible adult representing Tony at the Disability Pensions Board hearing?”

“I apologise, but I was given very little information. I just know that I am due to represent someone at this address at a hearing.” 

“Just a minute.” Jethro came back with the official letter from the Disability Pensions Board and handed it to Karen. It contained all the details that she hadn’t been given such as Tony and his husband’s names and listed her as the responsible adult who would be representing Tony at a Disability Pensions Board hearing and saying that she would be carrying out an assessment of the adaptations made to his living accommodation and that she would be writing a report for the DPB.

“Mr Gibbs…”

“Call me Gibbs.” 

“Right. Gibbs, I see that the DPB is assessing Mr DiNozzo’s level of disability to determine what disability pension he is due.” 

“That’s right. He’s already been awarded his pension on medical grounds but now he has to jump through this extra hoop to get disability pay. He’s had to go to Bethesda for a string of physical and cognitive tests first and then he’s got this hearing.” Jethro’s voice became bitter. 

“I see that he suffers from hypoxic-anoxic brain injury which is why Mr. DiNozzo needs a responsible adult to represent his interests.” 

Then Gibbs’ phone rang.

“Got to get this. Back in a minute.” 

While both men were out of the room she took the opportunity to get a feel for the place. One thing that had struck her was that it felt tranquil and peaceful. It was a home. She’d visited places where the atmosphere had been sterile because the people who lived there were so distanced from each other that they couldn’t even be bothered to communicate with each other. She had also been to houses where the atmosphere was so hostile and recriminatory that she had been only too glad to leave them. 

She looked round the living-room room noting that just like the hallway it was lined with grab rails. She saw the shelves and shelves of DVDs with some audiobooks and the enormous television. Above the large fireplace was a group of photos. In pride of place was one of Gibbs and Tony with broad grins on their faces, roses in their buttonholes and showing off their wedding rings. Presumably one taken on their wedding day. Other pictures were of Gibbs in uniform (that of the Marines as far as she could tell) and of Tony playing football and basketball and a group photo of people (possibly one of former colleagues?). There was a separate one of a beautiful dark haired young woman in a black frame. Niches in the fireplace held a strange mix of items: a vase of roses, a Mighty Mouse stapler, a framed medal awarded to Leroy Jethro Gibbs by an organisation that went by the acronym NCIS which somehow sounded familiar, a mug with “Probie” on it, a silver teaspoon, a giant silver paperclip, a studded dog collar and a screenshot from the “Gremlins” movie with Black Lung inserted above the film title and “Autopsy” printed in front of the title and the “s” of the title scored out so that it read “Autopsy Gremlin.” 

Otherwise the room was sparsely furnished allowing someone using a walker to get round the room easily but with two couches that were long enough for a man as tall as Tony to lie down at full stretch. The coffee table had printouts of what looked like ocean resorts on it. 

Gibbs came back and said, “I think you’ll need to talk to Tony now. I’ll just go get the coffee. He can’t bring it and use his walker at the same time.”

“But I c-can do it, Jethro.”

Jethro came back holding the coffee despite Tony’s protests.

“Here you are, Mrs Miller.”

“Call me Karen, please.”

“Karen.”

“Sweetheart, we were talking about the meeting next week. Tell Karen why you’re going.”

“I got shot and they need to talk to me about it.”

“I see. First as part of my assessment I will need to look round the house to see what arrangements have been made to help you. Please would one of you take me round?”

As Gibbs took her round the upstairs she saw the grab rails in the bedrooms. There was a hoist above the bath and further grab rails in the shower and on the bathroom walls were instructions on how to shave, brush teeth and take a shower. In the kitchen she’d noticed similar ones for coffee making and making mac ‘n’ cheese and scrambled eggs. There was another walker on the landing. Gibbs explained that he had been trying to get Tony to agree to a stairlift but he’d baulked at that because he hated being reminded of his condition and that he needed all the new things brought in the house to help him.

“I had blackout curtains put in the master as Tony doesn’t sleep so well now and triple glazing everywhere because he doesn’t like too much noise. I made sure the door-bell doesn’t sound in the house so we have a system of flashing lights.”

One of the guest bedrooms had been turned into a therapy room.

"Tony goes to Bethesda for his regular physiotherapy but we have a physio in to give him extra sessions because he’s so determined to walk by himself as quickly as possible. We keep oxygen here because Tony has scarred lungs due to a bout of pneumonic plague.”

Seeing her look, he said, “You don’t want to know!” 

Once back in the living-room she asked if she could talk to Tony alone. 

“I need to prepare for the panel.”

“Sure. I’ll disappear.” 

“Tony, that’s some collection of movies you have or is it Gibbs’?” 

He laughed. “No, they’re mine. I like films and I used to watch them a lot but now not so much.” 

“Tony, I need some more information so that I can help you at the hearing. You said you got shot. How did that happen?” 

“We-ell, I was trying to catch someone.”

“Oh. Could you tell me more.”

“We were on a case.”

“A case?”

“I was an agent. I worked for NCIS - The Naval C-Criminal I-Investigative Service - navy cops. We were chasing someone. He shot me.” 

Weirdly and coincidentally, she realised why the acronym had seemed familiar. She had actually heard of NCIS because a friend of hers had married one of their agents. Then it suddenly clicked, so these men were the formidable Anthony DiNozzo and Leroy Jethro Gibbs who were NCIS legends. Her friend had said they were completely different from each other considering that they were life as well as work partners: one a former Marine and man of few words, “a functional mute” and normally stern aspect, the other a former cop who talked the hind leg off a donkey with a smile on his face until the time came to not smile but to get down to business. They had even been given nicknames (never to be uttered anywhere on NCIS premises) – the Grim Reaper and Smiler. Apparently sometimes after the successful closure of a case, Gibbs became Smiler and during an interrogation Tony became the Grim Reaper. 

Her friend had said that it was so sad that Senior Field Agent DiNozzo had had to retire because he’d been shot and that Senior Supervisory Special Agent Gibbs had retired to look after his husband. 

As Tony talked about his former life it became obvious to Karen that he’d been a brave and resourceful agent and police officer. 

“I was, was just doing my job.”

Resisting the temptation to disagree, she kept quiet. 

“When were you shot?” 

“About four months ago. I don’t remember much about it. Jethro will tell you. I know I’m not like I was before, before the shooting. Jethro has to help me with a lot of things now.” 

The sadness and frustration were evident in his voice. It was obvious that Tony was only too well aware of the effect that the shooting had had on his and Jethro’s life.

“I’m trying to get better so Jethro won’t have to help me so much. He hasn’t worked on his boat for months. He needs time off because he needs a bigger boat.” 

They both smiled at the movie reference. So she got to know Tony a bit better, pleased that they got on well and shared the same sense of humour but, remembering how he had not understood her reference to wool gathering, she realised that he couldn’t easily understand everything she’d said. She’d already had to rephrase several sentences. 

Then he took his phone and put it on speaker. “Listen to this.” 

“Honey, this is how you have a shave.” The instructions ended with, “I love you sweetheart.”

“Jethro did that for when I’m too tired to remember or read the instructions. He’s always got my six.” 

She listened while he explained carefully to her what “on your six” meant. She smiled to herself. She knew exactly what it meant but in another context. 

After about an hour his speech was beginning to falter and he was looking more and more intently at her as though he couldn’t quite work out what she was saying. He was struggling but it was obvious he wasn’t going to tell her so she said, “Thank you, Tony. Shall we take a break now? Is it alright if I talk to Gibbs to clear up some things?” 

Again the flashing smile. “OK.”

It was becoming clear to her now why Tony would need someone to help him at the DPB interview. She knew she was going to have to research Tony’s condition to represent him properly but then reminded herself that his condition did not define him. While Tony was occupied with playing Tetris on his phone Gibbs took Karen through a door she hadn’t noticed before and then led her down the narrow and slightly rickety stairs into the basement.

“We can talk privately here. I don’t go down here much now because Tony can’t get down the stairs and I don’t like to leave him for too long. I’ll spend more time here when (the if went unspoken) Tony is walking better and can get down the stairs.” 

There were small piles of sawdust on the worktop and floor and a thin layer of dust lay over the tools, toys and the half-finished boat (boat? how on earth was he going to get it out of there?) as though they had been abandoned for months. As she looked around she could imagine it as Gibbs’ sanctuary but now given up because of Tony’s shooting.

On the wall hung a picture of a woman and a girl who looked so alike that they were probably mother and daughter but it gave no indication of who they were and Gibbs’ didn’t explain and she certainly wasn’t going to ask. 

“I need you to know some things about Tony before the interview. He’ll try and try his best but he still gets tired very easily and will need a break after about an hour. You can tell when he’s getting tired because his concentration starts to go and then his speech will slur and he’ll confuse his words but he’ll still keep trying despite that.” 

“Yes, I noticed that as our talk went on. He said that when he gets tired he listens to a book rather than watch a movie.” 

“Yes, he’s a great film buff but sometimes he can’t concentrate long enough to watch to the end so I’ve started up subscriptions to all the movie streaming services which saves him having to get up to change the DVD and now Tony listens to books that way. Thank goodness he still can use technology, although just after the shooting I was grateful that he would live let alone be able to do things like that.” 

“Don’t worry. I’ll look after him but meanwhile I need you to give me some more background information for my report for the DPB. Tony’s already said that’s alright.”

Jethro took her through the day of the shooting and its consequences for Tony who had had to relearn how to eat, talk, wash and dress. In fact he had only recently learned how to dress himself in clothes with sleeves. 

He didn’t tell her about the time shortly after the shooting when Tony still couldn’t speak but only sign. He’d been signing “Heavy. Leave. Heavy. Leave,” and Gibbs had kept telling him he was staying by his side but it hadn’t stopped Tony from signing the words in increasing distress. 

Then Ducky, who had just arrived had said, “You know what he’s saying don’t you?” 

“Sure, even the sheet is too heavy for him and he wants me to go but I’ve only just got back from getting coffee.” 

“No, no, no - he’s saying he’s a burden and he wants you to leave him.” 

“Never, never. I love you, sweetheart.” Eventually Gibbs’ words had got through to Tony and he had relaxed a little and eventually understood that Gibbs did not see him as a burden and truly would never leave him. 

Gibbs had employed tutors to help his improve his literacy but Tony still read slowly and often had to read aloud to get the meaning of the words. He also had problems remembering the sequence of certain processes so his former co-workers had put together the instructions for him that she had seen on the walls. 

“I understand you’ve recorded them all for Tony. He played the ones for shaving.” 

She would have said that Gibbs was embarrassed about that so she quickly dropped the subject and let him move on with his explanation. 

“You probably noticed the things on the fireplace. We put them together to help Tony keep hold of those memories. His brain injury made him lose some but some have been coming back so it’s really anything that helps. The roses are Tony’s favourite so I bought some as an anniversary present. The rest are mementoes of people we used to work with.” Gibbs told her about McGee, the Probie for years, Ziva who boasted that she could kill someone with a paperclip, Abby, the forensic scientist who was a goth and Ducky who loved his cups of tea and Palmer who was his assistant and who Tony had called the Autopsy Gremlin and Black Lung. The Mighty Mouse stapler was Tony’s, on his desk throughout all his time at NCIS and the medal…? “Oh that, Tony used to accept them for me and keep them in his drawer at work and he insisted that we have at least one on the fireplace.” 

Gibbs resumed his litany of the losses the shooting had caused Tony who now couldn’t cope with loud noises any more or being in crowds so Jethro had to make sure that friends were aware of this. Tony had been a party animal before the shooting but that was all in the past so now they only had small groups coming to the house but despite that he’d kept up his friendships and even made new ones at Bethesda where he was having physio. Although it was noisy at the hospital Tony managed to tune out the sounds because he was concentrating so hard on relearning how to walk without help. He was also hypersensitive to touch and so Karen would need to make sure that the members of the panel were careful when they shook hands with Tony for instance. 

“He used to be one of the best agents at NCIS. Determined and stubborn until he’d solved a case and he thought outside the box as well. He used to say what seemed the stupidest things and then we’d realise they actually made sense.”

“I’m so proud of him. He’s made so much progress because he’s still stubborn and determined. He just won’t let it go. He walks in the yard come rain or shine to exercise even though with his lungs he shouldn’t. I have to try to stop him sometimes because otherwise he’d exhaust himself and yet he keeps cheerful and smiling most of the time.” “He tries to get me to go down to the basement but I don’t like to in case he falls and then he tells me I’m not his mother.” Gibbs grinned. 

After her talk with Jethro he said, “Why don’t you stay for lunch? It won’t be anything special but you can get to know Tony a bit better.” 

“I’d love that. Thank you.” 

“I can still remember how to make mac ’n’ cheese, Jethro.” 

“That’s alright, honey, you sit with Karen and chat.” So they’d got to know each other a bit more until there was a sudden crash from the kitchen. 

Tony flinched and went pale and Gibbs rushed in and gently took Tony’s hands. 

“You’re alright, I just dropped a plate. There’s nothing to worry about,” he soothed. 

“I know, love you, Jethro.” And he leant over and kissed his husband.

“Sweetheart, lunch is ready.”

“I’ll get the flowers.” 

Gibbs rushed to help. “I’m alright.” Tony rolled his eyes. 

“You’ll have them on the table for every meal while you can.” Tony didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. His smile was enough. 

Karen inhaled the delicate fragrance of the flowers. Scent now meant a lot more to her and Robert.

During lunch they talked about where Tony and Gibbs were planning to go after the hearing. 

We thought we might go away for a few days, just to chill.” 

“Yes, I like the ocean. I can teach Jethro to swim.” Judging by the looks they gave each other it was obvious that this was a standing joke.

“Bye, Tony, see you next week.” 

As she came through her front door she was greeted by Buffy, her husband’s dog, tail wagging and wanting some attention.

“Honey, I’m in the kitchen, I thought I’d make a start on dinner.” 

“And how is my lovely husband tonight?” she said as she kissed him and then watched him effortlessly chop up vegetables with just the occasional hesitation as he reached for something on the worktop.

“I could get used to that sort of kiss. I needed it.” 

“Oh?” “Yes, it’s my current case - I’m prosecuting a real piece of work. He’s in the construction industry and he’s been cutting corners so that one of his buildings collapsed and killed two people. It looks as though there are several more of his buildings that are dangerous.”

“That’s hard. I’m sure you’ll nail him.”

“Well I’ll certainly try. What about your day?”

“Well, I’ve just met two very attractive men and if I wasn’t a happily married woman…”

“Should I be worried?” 

“Not at all. I love you and anyway they are married - to each other. It’s just that they’re both very handsome and actually very sweet together.”

It had taken quite a while after Robert’s accident before she’d felt comfortable enough to tease him. At first she’d had to watch her every word because Robert was convinced that it wouldn’t take much for her to leave him because she was sighted and attractive and he felt useless. In the end she’d lost patience and told him exactly what she thought of his willingness to believe she was a lightweight likely to buckle when things got tough. Eventually the message had got through to him but it had taken a lot of effort on both sides to reach equilibrium. 

As she sat down to write her assessment report she thought how pointless the exercise was. NCIS had already granted Tony early retirement on medical grounds. Bethesda had tested his physical and cognitive abilities as had the Naval Rehabilitation Centre and as a result both had concluded that Tony was no longer able to carry out his duties as Senior Field Agent by reason of his problems with mobility and his impaired reflexes alone. His cognitive and language processing skills were no longer adequate for him to carry out duties in a back office role. Although Tony had been retested before the hearing the results were unlikely to show enough improvement to change that decision but the DPB had insisted. Unfortunately she knew what organisations such as the DPB were like. They wanted to save every penny they could so they were hoping that somehow the new batch of tests and her assessment might show that he was not disabled enough to warrant a disability pension or at least only a minimal one. They might even have been hoping that she would catch Tony and Gibbs in some kind of fraud. 

In order to support Tony’s claim for disability pay she had to emphasise the negative - what he was no longer capable of doing – so in her report she contrasted this with the skills and aptitudes that his job as Senior Field Agent at NCIS had required. She noted the physical adaptations that Mr DiNozzo had needed to be made to the house that he lived in because he could not walk unaided, although it was hoped that he would eventually be able to do so. That when he was tired he needed reminders of how to carry out routine tasks such as showering and cleaning his teeth. He could no longer read fluently and the main way he read was to read aloud. Because Mr DiNozzo was no longer allowed to drive, Mr Gibbs was taking Mr DiNozzo to the physiotherapy sessions that were needed to try to improve his mobility, that Mr DiNozzo’s memory was continuing to be stimulated through a variety of means such as printed and recorded instructions and the help of his former colleagues and his husband guiding him through processes but despite that that he had only just learned how to dress himself in clothes with sleeves. 

She made it clear that because of all those factors although Mr DiNozzo no longer required twenty four hour care he could not live independently or hold down a job and that his main support was his husband, who had retired to look after him and who made sure he lived in as calm and stress-free an environment as possible because he could no longer cope with loud noises or crowds. She noted that as far as the DPB hearing was concerned the panel had to be aware that Mr DiNozzo sometimes had difficulties in processing language, was prone to lapses in concentration when tired and therefore would need breaks during the hearing. That the members of the panel should be aware that Mr DiNozzo was hypersensitive to touch as well as sound so the hearing must be conducted in as calm and quiet an atmosphere as possible. 

So she sent off the report that evening knowing that she had given the DPB the background they needed to ensure that they would treat Tony fairly and that she would be there as added support for him. Although her report was about loss, she could see that as far as Tony and Gibbs were concerned their life was about the gains that Tony had made since the shooting. Tony’s rate of progress shortly after the shooting had been impressive although now it was slowing down but he was still determined to be able to walk unaided. Of course he had his moments of intense sadness at what he had lost including much of his independence. That had come through when she’d talked to him but it had not stopped him from enjoying life and taking pleasure in his husband’s company and that of his friends. 

Tony and Jethro had learned to live in the moment. Perhaps working as navy cops where it was obvious that they regularly encountered dangerous situations had given them that attitude more than most people. After the shooting they had learned to lower their expectations and to adapt to their new situation. Instead of running on a sports field, Tony was concentrating on walking better. Instead of playing sport, he followed it on TV. Instead of attending large, noisy gatherings, he and Gibbs entertained a few friends at a time at home. 

Throughout her talk with Gibbs it had been all about Tony, not a word of how much effort it had sometimes needed for him to look after his husband. He, the man of few words, had had to become more articulate to speak for Tony when his words failed and he’d put so much thought and effort into providing Tony with both the physical and emotional environment that he needed. She’d learned that the motto of the Marines was “Semper Fi”, “always loyal” and that the Marines said “never leave a man behind” and he’d certainly kept both those promises. She and Robert had their own motto, “Adapt and Adjust” borrowed from one of the teachers at the Jobson Institute for the Blind and Visually Impaired that Robert had attended. Not that they’d had much choice but to adapt and adjust. It had been either that or go under and give in to the despair that both of them had felt at first.


	2. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fallout from the Disability Pensions Review Board interview.

When the day of the panel arrived she knew she wouldn’t be able to attend it. Her head was pounding, she felt sick and she could barely see for the flashing lights in her vision. Robert had left before she had woken up so she had had to struggle to phone the DPB to let them know she wouldn’t be in because she had a migraine. Then she gave herself the wonderful injection which would stop the pain and knock her out.

The next day, she was fine apart from a slight headache and had decided to work from home. Looking at her emails she noticed one from Edward Amory, the notetaker for the panel, asking her to reach out to him urgently.

“Karen, thanks for getting back to me. A situation’s come up which I think you need to know about. The hearing took place without you or anyone else to represent Mr DiNozzo. Mr DiNozzo was put through hell and was very upset by the end of it and his husband came storming in and threatened to contact his lawyer.”

“What! When I phoned in sick I naturally assumed they’d postpone it to a later date. What they’ve done is illegal. It contravenes the ADA as well as being inhumane anyway. I sent in a detailed report as usual, so what happened to that? It sounds as though they never got it or deliberately ignored it.”

“Well, all I know is that they didn’t seem to know that Mr DiNozzo is married and more to the point, married to Mr Gibbs. They made several very ignorant and insulting comments about the nature of the relationship between the two of them.”

“Thanks for the heads up. I’ll reach out to Mr DiNozzo and Mr Gibbs.”

The more she thought about the situation the angrier she became when she thought about Tony, now vulnerable, being forced to suffer that alone.

“Gibbs, Karen here. I’m so sorry about what happened at the interview. I’ve only just heard from the notetaker who was so shocked that he reached out to me. I had a migraine and there was no way I could have represented Tony. I let the board know and of course assumed they’d postpone the interview and reschedule. I’m prepared to testify at any disciplinary hearing. How is Tony?”

“Still very upset. Not doin’ at all well.”

“I’m so sorry. Tell him I phoned. Would it be alright if I came round some time to talk to him again? He’s a real sweetheart.”

“That he is. Sure come round but leave it for a few days until he’s less upset. I’ll phone you.”

Once Tony had calmed down somewhat Gibbs invited her over. He’d had to make sure that no one else would be coming at the same time. The day before Gibbs had learned to have only one person visit at a time now. When Abby, McGee and Ziva had arrived together Tony had reacted badly, saying, “too many, too many,” obviously reminded of when it had been three to one during the hearing.

This time, when she rang the bell, Gibbs came to the door by himself, ushered her in and then went to the kitchen to make coffee.

When she saw Tony she was shocked by his appearance. He was hunched over and looked seriously underslept with dark shadows under his eyes: he’d lost weight and could barely raise a smile for her when she greeted him and was noticeably tense. He looked so unhappy that she was convinced the reason was her absence from the hearing and she started to apologise.

But Tony had other ideas. His voice barely above a whisper, he said, “Karen, Jethro told me why you weren’t there. You had a m-migraine.”

“Yes but…”

“I get those. They’re nasty. Are you better now?”

“Yes, Tony, I am. Thank you for asking. How are you?”

“Fine.”

If Gibbs hadn’t been concentrating on making the coffee he would have warned her about Tony’s definition of fine which actually covered “I’m really sick/injured/hurting/all of the above.”

She tried to continue the conversation but it was obvious that after only twenty minutes Tony was exhausted so she said, “Tony, I’m glad to see you. I’ll be in touch.”

“Bye.” 

She went into the kitchen to talk to Jethro.

“Tony’s so thoughtful and unselfish. He just wanted to see how I was and that’s after all he’s been through.”

“Yep, That’s my sweetheart always. We didn’t realise how kind he is for a long time because he was always joking around at work to hide it.”

“But he looks so unhappy and ill. Is this all because of what the DPB panel put him through?”

“Damn straight. He’s convinced he’s a failure and stupid because he couldn’t always understand what they were saying. He kept asking for you and for me but they totally ignored him. You can see how badly he’s taken it. They really did a number on him and I’m worried for him.”

“I’m not surprised. As I said before I’ll do anything I can to help at a disciplinary hearing or if you think I can help in any other way, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

She rang a few days later to see how Tony was doing but Gibbs told her that Tony was now suffering from nightmares and anxiety attacks and it was best not to visit for a while as he needed total quiet.

Then he’d phoned her to say Tony was seriously ill in hospital.

“Oh no. I’m so sorry. Can I visit him?”

“At the moment he’s out of it with a fever. No visitors apart from me. The doctors say he’s not in any danger but I’m not so sure.”

Karen could hear the worry in his voice. If Gibbs was showing his worry then it meant that Tony really was ill. Making a complaint to the DPB now seemed a very low priority compared to whether Tony was even going to live.

That night when she came home Robert kissed and hugged her and much to her surprise she burst into tears. The last time she had cried had been just after Robert’s accident.

“Hey, honey, what’s the matter?”

“Tony’s really ill. That good, brave man might die because some idiots treated him badly and I feel as though I’m somehow responsible because I wasn’t there when I should have been.”

“You know you couldn’t help being ill then and you told me the other day that Tony certainly wasn’t blaming you and why should he anyway?”

“And I can’t do anything. He’s too ill for me to visit even to say goodbye.”

“Come on, he might be ill but he’s not dead yet. Did Gibbs actually say he was dying?”

Sometimes she blessed Robert’s lawyerly ability to cut to the heart of an issue.

“No, just that he’s very ill.”

“So there’s hope yet.”

“Yes.”

“Hold on to that and then phone Gibbs tomorrow.”

Once she’d calmed down she realised that she had been so upset not just because of the present situation but because it had reminded her of when Robert had been so ill after his accident and they’d told her that he had only a fifty per cent chance of survival. Once they said he would live, they had then broken the news that Robert would never see again.

They’d both been devastated. At a stroke he’d become illiterate, unable to find his way around and as a consequence felt helpless and alone in his suffering. This awful thing that meant that they could never again take anything for granted, never make the kind of assumptions about their life that they hadn’t even realised they’d been making.

“I’d understand if you want a divorce, you wouldn’t want to be tied to a crock. I won’t be even be able to earn a living now.”

“Don’t you dare say such a thing. I didn’t think you were a quitter. I love you and somehow we’ll get through this.”

While she’d given Robert a few days to at least try to make an attempt to come to terms with his situation she started researching all the sources of help. She’d engaged a lawyer because Robert’s firm, although making sympathetic noises, was also showing signs of trying to get rid of him on the grounds that he could no longer do his job. She knew better than that and was shocked that a law firm thought that somehow the ADA didn’t apply to them.

Over the next year Robert had shown all the qualities that had attracted her to him. He was strong, courageous and stubborn while learning the techniques to help him get around and to work again. He’d “persuaded” his firm that they couldn’t legally get rid of him and that in reality they didn’t need to because he was equipping himself as a blind man to function successfully in a sighted world.  
He’d learned how to use his cane to get around, become adept at using assistive technology to read and use the internet for his legal research, he’d learned Braille and got Buffy his guide dog and he’d learned to pay more attention to the information that his remaining senses were giving him.

She’d learned as well: not to move things without Robert’s knowledge, to make sure everything truly did have its place. They’d learned the hard way when he’d fallen over a chair she’d moved for a minute but forgotten to tell Robert about. She’d learned not to hold things out to him unless she put his hand on them or told him where they were and if they were hot to warn him and not to make visual gestures such as pointing at something or nodding. She’d learned to tell him where she’d put things on the meal table, “It’s at your twelve o’clock, honey.” 

Robert had been a gifted amateur painter so instead of that hobby he’d taken up sculpting and had tried making pottery. Once Robert had told her about the Japanese technique for mending cracks in porcelain. Rather than trying to mend them invisibly they have a technique called kintsugi, using gold to highlight the cracks, the cracks being seen as part of the beauty of the piece - beauty in brokenness. A way of showing the history of a piece. That their life might be seen like that.

When he’d told he that, for once she was grateful that he couldn’t see the expression on her face, which she knew would show her incredulity. There was no way she had reached the stage of being philosophical enough to take that view of their life. But he was the one who had had to make the major adjustment not her, so it made a kind of sense that he would take comfort in that thought.

There were times when she longed fiercely for their old life, to be able to enjoy movies and the theatre without having to check that they provided audio description, to see Robert’s look of appreciation when she knew she was looking particularly good, to be able to talk to all of their old friends, not just the ones who’d shown that Robert’s blindness wasn’t going to be a barrier to their friendship. They’d lost at least half a dozen friends because of that. 

It had been so hard to take the ignorant comments and attitudes. 

“Does he take coffee?”

“Hey, I’m here, you can speak to me directly.”

“So now your husband’s not up to it how about some fun with me?”

“So you’ll be staying at home to look after him then.”

“No. Robert’s quite capable of looking after himself.”

“A blind lawyer eh, should I call you Daredevil?”

And yet, and yet, like Robert and her, somehow Gibbs and Tony had adapted and adjusted to the terrible event in their life which could have broken their relationship. The way Gibbs and Tony behaved with each other was beautiful. The unconditional love that Gibbs had for Tony shown by his thoughtfulness and care and the way Tony was working to try to overcome some of the problems he’d been left with and how he rarely complained, just sometimes showing his frustration but still managing to keep his sense of humour.

But then while Robert was totally independent, Tony wasn’t. Although he had made fantastic progress, even if he hadn’t been living with Gibbs he would often need someone to be with him and he could no longer work. Tony couldn’t navigate his way through the world in the way that Robert had learned to. Tony and Gibbs had it far harder than she and Robert did. Then she realised she was falling into a trap by pitying them and that really wouldn’t do. Pity was patronising and unhelpful. 

Pulling herself out of her reverie she came back to the present.

“You always give such good advice.”

“That’s my job. That’ll be two hundred dollars please.”

“Would you accept a kiss?”

“Of course.”

The next day she phoned Gibbs who told her that Tony was now showing signs of improvement. When Tony was well enough to see visitors, Gibbs had asked her to come to the hospital. 

“The team came to see Tony but he can only have two visitors for five minutes at a time so I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait and even then if he gets too tired you’ll have to come back another day.”

“That’s fine.”

Jethro introduced her to his former colleagues, Ziva, McGee, Abby, Palmer and Ducky.

When the time came for her to see him Karen was relieved to see that Tony looked at least slightly better than when she’d last seen him even though he still looked ill. Then after three weeks the hospital had decided it was better for his state of mind for him to go home even though he was still not well.

Gibbs told her that Tony had lost ground and much of the progress he’d made had been destroyed by his latest illness so he was even more determined to call the DPB to account. Now Tony was getting better and was at home Gibbs was making good on his threat to make a complaint to the DPB and had started the process by consulting a lawyer and would tell Tony once he was well enough.

Throughout the next few months she continued to visit them and was glad to see that Tony was starting to get better. Tony and Gibbs kept her up to date with the way the complaint was developing and told her that they had received a letter of apology with an offer of compensation.

“He’s refusing to accept the apology unless they apologise to him in person.”

“Is that wise?”

“Nope, but he’s insisting on it. I’ve finally got him to let the team and me help him. The DPB have agreed to him chairing the meeting. Would you be willing to help us prepare and also be with Tony at the meeting?”

“It would be my pleasure and a privilege.”

So the time came for the meeting and Jethro held Tony’s hand while they waited to be called and this time Tony was able to walk into the meeting-room unaided. Karen and the notetaker were already sitting behind the desk. Tony took his place between them as chairman.

Towards the end of the meeting he had made the panel apologise for their treatment of him.

“This time I’ll accept your, your ap-apology. Just don’t treat someone else like you did me.”

Karen said, “Gentlemen you are free to go” and she and Tony watched with amusement as the men scrambled to get out of the room where they had been humiliated just as they had humiliated Tony.

Karen gestured to the notetaker. “Thank you for your help. We’ll take it from here.”

Once he’d left the room, Karen said, “Are you alright? That was incredible.” If this was how he had conducted interrogations when he was an agent and fully fit he must have been truly formidable. Suddenly she realised again what had been taken away from this gifted man but although his gifts may have been compromised he was meeting the challenges in his life with the same determination and courage that he had shown before his shooting.

Tony had known that the meeting would take its toll on him but he had still persevered. Gibbs had told her that Tony had said “What if they did it to someone else?” He wasn’t just acting on his own behalf but on behalf of other vulnerable people so that they wouldn’t have to go through what he’d been put through.

Then she suddenly understood the concept of kintsugi – how the inherent beauty of a piece was not lost despite any damage. The damage Tony’s brain injury had caused was there for all to see, his difficulty in walking, his sometimes slow speech and his problems in grasping some concepts but his injury hadn’t damaged his inherent nature. His unselfishness and bravery shone through despite the damage. His essential character had not been lost at all.


End file.
